The Million Dollar Question

"If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which ones has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." 

- Henry David Thoreau. 

I gradated from Brigham Young University.

So what is next?

The first few times people asked me that question I responded with these long elegant answers of what my dreams jobs would be, where I wanted to live, and how I would get there. Around the eight-hundred-and-ninety-fifth time I was asked I decided to simplify it to... 

I don't know. 

Usually my blunt answer is followed by a blank stare of pity from the inquirer. The reality is I got a bachelors degree that requires a graduate degree. I've decided that graduate school is not in the cards just yet (thanks to my girl band, the Giga Pets). This lack of a marketable degree leads me to find a career path unique to my talents and abilities. What are my talents and abilities?

It has escaped me. 

I know that I have skills, abilities, and interest that will make me extremely successful at an amazing job. However, for the past six years or so I haven't been focused on them. I have been focused on getting a degree. What they don't tell you about college is that standardized education requires you to mold to what the system needs. This means you take courses planned for you, not based on your talents. You pick degrees that are offered by your school, not that tailor made to your passions. You got to a school so they can legitimize your ability to work, not your work itself.

Most of the time the systems produces individuals who are ready to enter a work force. Look at all those BYU business grads moving to LA and NYC. The system perfectly prepared them to walk in to Trump Towers and do their dream job. My dream job however isn't in Trump Towers. It is made up. My dream job isn't "system-able." So while I wait for my golden opportunity to make it so, I have to get experience else where. That is why my elegant answer is now simply an "I don't know." It may be vague, but at least it is honest.

So now I'm reevaluating. What am I good at? What do I want to do? What can I do? As soon as I figure that out, I'll answer that million dollar question everyone has been asking. Until then accept my "I don't know" as possibly one of the best "to be continueds" that there ever has been. 

xoxo.  

Mountains to Climb

"If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest of times in life can be pleasant... We can feel the love of God. The Savior has promised angels on our left and on our right to bear us up. And He always keeps his word. His love is unfailing."  

To become someone, instead of becoming something.

I'm in an awesome class about moral development. AWESOME. For class today we were required to read this article challenging the current system of education. The following is an excerpt.


"In sum: all too often we focus on a narrow collection of well-defined tasks and train students to execute those tasks in a routine, if not algorithmic fashion. Then we test the students on tasks that are very close to the ones they have been taught. If they succeed on those problems, we and they congratulate each other on the fact that they have learned some powerful mathematical techniques. In fact, they may be able to use such techniques mechanically while lacking some rudimentary thinking skills. To allow them, and ourselves, to believe that they “understand” the mathematics is deceptive and fraudulent.

This approach to learning in math is paralleled in all other subjects. Most teachers got through their college classes mainly by “learning the standard textbook answers” and were neither given an opportunity nor encouraged to determine whether what the text or the professor said was “justified by their own thinking”. To move toward intellectual humility, most teachers need to question most of what they learned, as the teacher above did, but such questioning would require intellectual courage, perseverance, and confidence in their own capacity to reason and understand subject matter through their own thought. Most teachers have not done the kind of analytic thinking necessary for gaining such perspective.

I would generalize as follows: just as the development of intellectual humility is an essential goal of critical thinking instruction, so is the development of intellectual courage, integrity, empathy, perseverance, fair-mindedness, and confidence in reason. Furthermore, each intellectual (and moral) virtue in turn is richly developed only in conjunction with the others."

The article continues to criticize how we have a flawed education system. We teach to a test in a way that does not allow us to fully develop our intellect as human beings. There are moments in which even the best university is teaching to be something, instead of teaching to become someone.

I am truly grateful for the moments, teachers, and classes that have taught me to become.

On a lighter note, our professor summed up his lecture by showing this clip. Got to love an old man with a sense of humor right? 

Sure, Why not?

"You only live life once, but if you do it right once should be enough."

-Mae West

This summer one of my favorite moments in Thailand was with our translator P'Kahton. She was from the Karen village and steadily building her English. One day while waiting for our ride (in the back of a truck of course) to pick us up from the local hospital, we asked her if we could stop at 7-11 on the way home. She said yes followed by a huge grin on her face. She firmly stated "ask me again." Confused, I followed her prompting. She then whipped out the phrase "sure, why not?"

She laughed hysterically which made me laugh even harder. She was so proud of her English slang. I have no doubt that the phrase was in part to mock us crazy white people. I also know that based on the structure of  Thai culture, 'sure why not' is a rather whimsical thought.

I graduate in two months. I have no idea what I'm doing, where I'm going to live, or who I will do it all with. I've always had a plan and thus far each plan I have ever made  has never ended up the way it was suppose to. Luckily, they have always been much better. So this is my new game plan, figure it out as I go. While I know that eventually responsibility will be required in order for me to continue growing, right now I'm taking life as it comes. I'm going to Canada for the day, I am attending concerts I have never heard of, and inviting hundreds of people to my house for kissing booth parties...

...because, why not?

Salt Lake City Airport

"A good friends know your stories, a best friend has lived them with you." 

In the past few years I've been in airports all over the world. Generally they are the same. People excited about coming and going. The excitement of airports is wrapped into people going on important business trips, new adventures, and old reunions.

I am always begging people to come visit me. Finally after a few years of convincing, I talked my childhood best friend Rachel into coming out to Utah. After looking at our calenders it was determined that she would come out around my birthday. What a great present right? So I made the plans and was thrilled to get to show her where I have been living over the past few years.

While waiting at the airport for her flight I watched missionaries being reunited with families and even a proposal and in my head I was thinking "this is such a happy place." (Those of you with Tweeter know I thought that so much that I tweeted it.) Well Rach came down the escalator and I greeted her with so excited to see her. Then all of a sudden I hear this voice and turn around to Derick Andrew Floyd Weber Wright Ray McKinney in the SLC airport.

That's right. Two of my BEST FRIENDS in the world surprised me and I got to spend the entire weekend with them both., in Utah. My two worlds got to collide if only for three days.

I say this all the time but dang, I'm blessed. 

Provo Skate Day

I was very proud of myself this morning. I woke up, put in some laundry, took a shower, grabbed breakfast, and got ready for class on time. I even dried and straightened my hair which is a big deal. I grabbed my breakfast shake and headed out the door. 

BOOM. I slide down my driveway. I continue. BOOM. Fell down on the side walk. I thought it would get better but nope, I didn't make it past my neighbor's house. I turned around. Shuffled back up my driveway and missed my first class. 

Boo Utah winter. 

Faith in Change

"As a new year begins and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives."

-Jeffry R. Holland

2012

adventure

hope

challenges

fun

understanding

friends

frustration

growth

What will 2013 bring? It can be safe to assume that many of the same feelings I felt in 2012 will be repeated. Year by year locations may change, situations may change, even people change but you really get out of life what you put it. So here is what I'm putting into 2013. 

faith

hope

love

passion

determination

smart choices

& a little luck

It is only 5 days in and I can already forecast the weather. With one big girl job application in, three highly anticipated weddings for people I love, and a long awaited undergrad graduation the next few months will be a doozy.